it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
