Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
