I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
