my mouth tastes like poor choices
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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