U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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