Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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