we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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