i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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