kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You made out with two different species that night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
