When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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