Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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