The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
