i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
