After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
