I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
