Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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