i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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