i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
