we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
