Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
