So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
