So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
