just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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