Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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