His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i came on her dog
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
