I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
