Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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