we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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