I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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