You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
