i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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