he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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