My room smells like vodka and shame
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
