my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I want to fling myself into the sun
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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