Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
