Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
