I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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