if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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