Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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