can u get pink eye on your cock?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
