Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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