He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
