the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
