He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
