You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
