Plan B is the new Plan A
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
everyone is single if you try hard enough
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
