Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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