Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
