We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
