by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
